With Honesty I Write

So last night of course I sleep so shitty. How can you sleep good with all the bad thinks that are happening around you. I think my brother Jonathan's blog almost always had this undertone of darkness, a bit bitter. I have tried to maintain a nice happy blog, even when I have to say things like "there was a bombing, I'm OK." But there are somethings that I don't write home about and maybe I should.

In truth this Kibbutz is not all it should be and has left much to be desired. Let us start from the beginning. Of course when I came I wondered a little : what is wrong with this Ulpan that everyone has left and they or look for other people to come. But I figured life happened and that is all. My first week here there was a huge physical fight. I was not there thank god. It was for a guys birthday and he even came by my room and told me to come to meet everyone. I didn't feel up to it. I fell asleep and the next thing I knew there was tons of screaming outside my window. A guy got a black eye and another got kicked out. It was a huge mess. Nice welcome to the kibbutz right?

Then there was the volunteer who said that I slept with him. After a night at the pub where I couldn't get away from him. I went home, he did too. So that means we left together. The next day he told a bunch of the guys: yeah last night with Liz there was a little of this, a little of that and her pussy smells like strawberries. Even worse is the fact that no one had the nerve to at least tell me. SO I am walking around saying hi to him because I don't know about it.

And now this with Jonathan. I am really upset by the way everyone is taking it. It is so disturbing the things I have heard people say. I really don't know what to think about the human race anymore. Basically the guys here are more concerned with the fact that they might face drug charges, because of course there were drugs involved. It is really sick.

There is part of me that thinks I should leave and go to another Kibbutz, because after all I have 4 more monthes before the army and it don't feel like a healthy place to be. But I don't know if another kibbutz would be any better.

Last night I called Grandpa, my only voice of reason. It is really strange how he has an effect on me. He really is soothing. Maybe because as far as I can tell he is one of the best, most righteous people I have ever met. Of course he is human and has his faults, but he is a dimond in this sea of coal.

Of course I couldn't really tell him what was going on, but just to hear his voice ramble on about life in Cato, somehow made me feel so much better.

After that they were playing the movie, "Match Point" so I watched i. It was the first Woody Allen movie I liked. But i have to say it reminded me a lot of "A Place In The Sun" (if you have not seen it, go get it, it is my favorite) It was actually nice to watch a sad movie.

I talked more about the whole thing with a girlfriend and then finallty went to bed around 2 am. My body is so sore today, it feels like I was running fifty kilometers yesterday.